Turtle Shell Tammy
I’ve done considerable running away in recent months, sometimes for days! It’s not that I don’t like other human adults I find them quite enjoyable, but my freedom is terribly important and in solitude I feel the most comfortable. You see, the year has been rather stressful. If you are in the future and happen upon this web-page of thoughts while submerged in internet archives, we did not have fun in 2020. It was hard for us all in different ways, at different stages. A deadly “19th century-like” virus spread throughout the globe and we had to understand it with our 21st century brains. We had to impose the idea of “a plague” into a culture of humans that were used to googling the solution for everything. It was a lot. It still is a lot but, I think I can laugh through the tears now.
In the beginning of the pandemic there was a healthy fear of catching this virus, the instructions the government set made sense, you could possibly die…stay away from people. A month later, there was a fear of not having enough supplies while we were avoiding the people, so we did what we thought was appropriate and bought all the tuna and toilet paper around the country. A month after that we got pissed off that virtual meetings had taken over our lives (I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING VIRTUALLY NOW?) and we were especially confused at famous musicians who were trying to sell virtual concerts like YouTube didn’t exist. BUT I think the month of June was a delightful turning point for the nation, my favorite actually…. Americans WERE FUCKING OVER IT. Suddenly, the deadly virus that killed half a million people globally was a conspiracy. Cloth masks at Starbucks? NOT IN MY AMERICA! Can you imagine hating something so much you act like it wasn’t even real in the first place? Like the memory of my chubby childhood.
I like how our minds try to cope with disaster. How we go through the worst situations, tumbling and compounding shit ball events in life and yet we still try to be happy. I know so many people who put positive spins on stay at home orders and I love them I truly do…I will never be them, but I love them. Instead of learning how to cook, increasing my home workouts, filming tik tok dances or learning a new language, I cried a lot.
I listened to a lot of angry music and stared out of the window… I stared out of the window of my home in Hawaii and it was beautiful out there, rainbows and sunshine… the works. I was pissed off in a perfect paradise. But that’s okay. I am telling myself its okay because we are all uniquely different in how we adjust to stress. I have this turtle shell complex where I keep myself happy and safe in a turtle shell and I did just that. My shell is full of snacks and streaming services the shell stayed clean and comfortable when the world was an uncomfortable virus.
The hardest thing for me to do in this month of July, when I go back to work and during social events with other human adults is to talk about what I’ve been up to. I hate telling the truth because it seems dismissive and rude. I have done literally nothing. I think I should make a list of cool responses, so people won’t think I’m an asshole when they inevitably ask me “what have you been up to?”
1. I’ve learned how to give myself a bikini wax with old candles.
2. I painted a self-portrait, but have it covered in my closet because it makes me look old.
3. I’ve been giving legal advice to toddlers. Pro-Bono.
4. I did a hundred push ups in 120 days!
5. I learned how to speak 20th century English.
6. I burned a couple of CDs to sell on eBay.
7. I wrote a memoir, but its unfinished.
8. Been making my own dolls out of potatoes. But they turned on me.
