Jom Jardy

I remember who my first non-movie star crush was, he was bookish. Like, a real poindexter. I was in the 2nd grade; he played the violin had wire glasses and tucked his t-shirt into his pants. We used to race to turn in our tests first. He was the only other straight A student in the class who was also placed in accelerated reading club with me. HE WAS ME. That is how creative I was, I wanted to hold hands with myself and draw doodle hearts around my notebook when thinking of my very own boy doppelganger.

My first boyfriend though? He was the complete opposite. He used to sit behind me in 10th grade English, he cheated off me for a good 6 months before he asked me to be his girlfriend. He never went to his other classes, well except for auto shop. He smoked pot and skated and I’m quite sure he gave himself his first tattoo. My first boyfriend was too opposite me, he was only good for kissing even though most of the time his mouth was dry, and he smelled a bit. I don’t think he passed English after we broke up.

There have been good, bad (and ugly) since I was 15 and making out on bleachers with smelly boys. But the one man who has not let me down since we’ve never met, and who I continue to date in my imagination is Tom Hardy. Here are five reasons why Tom Hardy is the perfect man:

1)      He plays US military men, better than US military men (see Band of Brothers, Black Hawk Down.)

2)      He said Gary Oldman is his hero. Sirius Black lives on!!

3)      Puppy mania. If you don’t follow #Tomhardyholdingdogs you aren’t doing social media properly.

4)      Beloved Villian! (see Bane, Alfie Solomans, Bronson)

5)      Heathcliff the manic jealous orphan of Wuthering Heights makes you wonder why aren’t all men that obsessed with us???