Roundbottom

Been checking people out lately. I’ll be on these hikes confused as fuck. How do so many people suddenly have big juicy rumps? 20 years ago, everyone had really bony hips, and no fat on their lower abs. Women were just delicately placing G-strings on their hip bones and rocking those real low-cut lucky jeans, belly rings infected and shit. Now everyone’s biker shorts go up their crack and to their ribs and the butts are lookin’ fat.

Is it fitness or illusion?

Was I blind to the world of derriere before? Did everyone really have good heinies and just hid them behind baggy clothes? Am I just suddenly focused in on the world of thick haunches? I realize my genetics have endowed me with extra carne but damn its work to get the booty right… is everybody working this hard?? Or are y’all buying special pants?? Hook me up kids… I need an easy way out too.

As I age gravity has a greater effect on my body. I just feel the wagon dragging, literally I have to drag my ass around a track.

I guess I should count my blessings… but if there really is a pill to make the waist thin and lift my cheeks to the sky let me know. I’m tired of the stair climber, my knees weren’t built Megan Thee Stallion tough.