Just practice every day
I found myself in conversation with a six-year-old the other day. Confidently, without provocation, she told me, “I can do the splits” and showed me her perfect split in baby pink leggings. I replied, “wow, I can’t do that, you’re amazing!” she then asked if I could do a cartwheel, another skill that I have never acquired due to the awkward bumbling through life in my body. When I told this child no...me, this adult woman, seemingly capable of accomplishing anything, tall and strong from her perspective, this grown-up can neither do cartwheels nor the splits…she was affronted.
“Why not?”
Well, I told her… it’s just hard when you’re older. This answer did not suffice, she told me it was hard when she started but she practiced everyday and now splits are easy, and cartwheels are easy… I just need to practice every day.
This kid is life-coach ready. There is something so beautiful about just do from children. It is literally that easy to learn how to do the splits or a cartwheel if I practice every day, I believe her… I know it is possible. But is it possible to love my inner self if I practice self-love every day? I don’t know if that’s appropriate to ask a six-year-old child, but I wanted to ask her.
Although I have heard adults, young and old, talk about daily practice in meditation and affirmations, I never really cared for their advice…especially the people on the internet channels. Something about people who make a career in telling others how to think positively as if it’s jUST tHAT eASY…it just feels like a giant scam… ‘insert therapist eyebrow raise here’. Back tracking a little bit, I HAVE found therapy healthy for me. But mostly I need a mmmhmm type of therapist, with a pen in their mouth and glasses really low on their nose. The type of person who sends me into battle with myself and throws little jabs at my cognitive distortions from the peanut gallery. My favorite cop-out is to play the victim of society… like they say on Chameleon Street, “I’m a victim of 400 years of conditioning the man has programmed my condition, even my conditioning has been conditioned”. To which a doctor with decades of training can shut me up, stump my brain and silence my doubts with, “but why do you allow it?”
Oh, I don’t know Dan…
Why does the sky fill with clouds and not rain? Why does one shoe feel too tight sometimes? Why do our ears pop suddenly exposing that we had been living in an air bubble for days? And why do I allow 34 years exposure to sex culture, capitalism and repressed bible thumpers with their rules that govern this nation affect my mood every day?
OF COURSE, I’m messed up. I’m a shy, quiet, nerd who doesn’t have millions of dollars in America. I have weight that fluctuates, my body HAS NEVER BEEN bikini photo shoot ready… I grew up with crooked teeth, glasses, a fuzzy upper lip, and big chipmunk cheeks. Should I care about any of this? No. Do I? Fuck yes. I am incredibly self-involved and self-deprecating in immediate, consecutive breaths. How do you fix this with therapy?
HOW?! I have been going for one whole month yall, I am still fucked. I have even tried to practice self-love every day. I’ve been watching motivational videos on the internet …
One of the main things I struggle with is life-coaches on Instagram. When they are super positive about the human condition like… Why? How? These influencer life-coaches are 19 and gorgeously wrinkle free and virtually problem free…my eyeballs ache as they loll back into my skull. I’m not saying pretty people or young people can’t feel pain. I’m just saying they symbolize so much hope and joy to me, I can’t imagine they’ve been really really hurt yet, and I hope they’re not for a long time. What does a Dewey faced teen know about being abandoned at in your early 20s with a baby and mortgage with no instruction manual for how to take care of either? What does little Ms. Crop Top know about then trying to date…online… in your 30s when you finally get free time only to find out it’s a fucking nightmare…. What do they know about being content with being alone but also feeling like being alone is your biggest fear? To worry about how many more decades will pass by just me and my inner demon asking me am I happy enough to ever be happy with anyone else? Can mom jeans tell me what is the point of it all??
But, I just need to stop having negative thoughts and realize IM THAT BITCH right?
Drink matcha tea, burn the sage?
Get the crystals?
Do a cleanse?
Could it be so simple to just practice the “nice thinking” …conditioning be damned? Should I stop playing the victim of this cold cruel world? But it’s so nice here in the dark with the surly, disappointed souls waiting for everything to just be better, our bodies, moods, outlook, relationships…. Who wants to work at self-love when self-loathing is so indulgent and comfortable!! Look, the man made it so appealing….. I can hate myself and buy a waist trainer, I can hate myself and eat salads that cost more than sandwiches, I can hate myself stay home and watch the Kardashians (because at least I’m not them lol) or I can hate myself and watch life coaches tell me to practice breathing on YouTube.
Ugh
Fuck it.
If a six-year-old says to practice every day…even with self-love, I guess it’s worth a try. But I do think doing the splits will be easier.
