I'm Melting

I haven’t been writing a lot lately …mostly because I haven’t done much productive adulting. I just sleep, cry, and use work as a canvas of excuses to paint a picture of why I’m “so busy” to others. Crawling out of the abysmal damp hole that was the year 2020, I have decided to try to enjoy life again. I recently decided to go out and do things with human friends. You will not believe it, you cannot even fathom, did you know there are American people with buttoned up clothing who have been eating at restaurants for months, MONTHS? I am definitely late to the game but having drinks at a bar/restaurant while seated within 8 feet of other people does wonders for your spirits and makes you hopeful for a less bleak and wretched future.

I used to pride myself in being a cackling old witch with a deep disdain for small talk and the nonsensical chattering of nearby hobnobbers. I abhorred people who stood too close to me at stores, the movies, or literally anywhere. I scoffed at hobo, gas-station men who called me beautiful and told me to smile. Now? Now, after a fairly long while of social isolation I have turned into a smiley, ‘hey how are you?’ type of person in the face of complete strangers. A freak who cares enough to validate the existence of others with eye-contact and head-nods and “no after you’s”. Who even AM I?

I think the isolation has made people more interesting (or maybe I have been bored for so long that everything is interesting now) but lately people I KNOW have made tik tok videos, have meme accounts, sell homemade goods on Esty, and do things like brag about all the ways to make a snack with a single tortilla. I find it fascinating how interesting my friend’s families are, like… when your baby turns 7 months old and wears suspenders while sitting on a blanket and holding a brush… I lose my shit. Baby suspenders are so stupid, I love them.

I love seeing people MY AGE lip sync to 90’s R&B songs while their mortified children sit in the back seat of the car and hope none of their parents videos go viral.

If you put clothing on your dog and get them to make eye contact with your camera phone… you have an Instagram follower in me, even better if they are voiced over into a charismatic personality.

If you feature your Grandparent in your duet dance-along and they have joy on their face, I will instantly cry UGLY tears and end up puffy-eyed for days.

I have been crying at a lot of things on the internet lately. It’s a little pathetic but I think my tear ducts are broken…I’ve been leaking tears for the past six days… when should I consult my physician? Most of the time I cry because something is so sweet it rots my brain and sends shooting tears at the target in order to subdue the sugary goodness.

Here are some internet gems that have made me cry from joy:

·         Videos where a dog’s tail wag is so powerful they move their entire goofy hiney

·         Curvy, meaty, beautiful queens doing the buss it challenge

·         Men singing covers of Adele and Alicia Keys songs

·         Watching cooking videos without sound and good lighting

·         Seeing siblings choreograph dances together

·         Husbands acting like their wives in front of their wives

·         Watching black women do their hair

·         Cats attacking anything like they are just tiny tigers