Days to Get Freaky
The days of the week should be distinctly remarkable when it comes to sexual activity. Please see my below recommendations for sexual pursuits and their corresponding days:
Missionary Monday- This is not a simply a day to have missionary sex but this is a day to have sex like you are a missionary. We are talking apostolic encounters. The let’s say a prayer before, during and after type of loving. Bonus points will be awarded to couples who dress like Mormons who go door to door. Bonus bonus points for lasting as long as a whole rosary.
Tongue Twister Tuesday- Not what you are expecting when you read tongue and twister (wink wink). This is a day to shout your favorite tongue twister five times fast as you climax. RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPER! Or, IRISH WRISTWATCH! SIX SLIPPERY SNAILS?! Idk i can’t think of them all for you.
Whetstone Wednesday- I struggled with this day. I wanted to avoid the obvious nomenclature of hump day in which humans decide to behave like dogs during sex which is fun but soooo cliche. Then I thought about wet back Wednesday, where a bit of water is sprinkled on your partners back during sexy time, but that’s not really exciting and also the name is kind of awkward. I settled with the truly dangerous and exciting adventure of introducing knives into your bedroom routine. This is not for people to cut their partners or threaten to cut their partners during love making but more of a starting act to get things real steamy. You could slowly slice some cheese with a knife at your bedside dresser in order to get them real hot, afterwards you gently set down the knife and commence with the seduction.
Thornberry Thursday- It’s really simple, watch The Wild Thornberries while hooking up.
Fetish Friday- Maybe you have always wanted to have sex with toe socks on. Or you have had a thing for men who dress like Freddy Krueger (stripes and a hat people.. nothing weird here) Fridays are for doing the weird. Open communication, anything goes… within reason. And yes, those are both fetishes of mine I DON’T NEED YOUR JUDGEMENT.
Saxy Saturday- Because who doesn’t want to make love to a bitchin’ sax solo?? Recommend: Careless Whisper or anything by Kenny G
Crumb day Sunday- This is the second food themed day. In my defense Wednesday is a knife day and I just equate knives with cutting food. CRUMB day though? Crumb day is all about feeding crumby snacks to each other. Talking Nature Valley Granola bars, some crispy baguettes, goldfish crackers, butter British biscuits i mean, get creative and get crumbly.
*This schedule can be modified to meet the dietary restrictions and musical preference of the individuals involved.
