Bush Mountain Blues

There is no higher level of confidence than, “old naked lady in the locker room” confidence. Maybe I am just a magnet for this type of 8am, golds gym shower, big dick energy. Some how these little old ass ladies find me and they FLEX SO HARD it’s seriously #goals. Yes bitch I accidentally made eye contact with you when your big ass bush came strolling into the shower area, butt ass naked, with no towel in sight. SORRY but that was not an invitation for you to set all your shit down next to me and take as long as possible to warm your water and get the fuck behind your curtain. As soon as my shower is off, there are ZERO seconds of time where I am not wrapped in my towel with all my things gathered averting my eyes from these strangers. But your auntie? Your grandma? She is there in all her glory, you should be very proud. She found me this morning and I spent 15 minutes getting ready as fast as I could while listening to the hum of an obscure song I could not pinpoint. Suffering with that skinny old lady skin chillin’ in my peripheral. I don’t think she put one item of clothing on in the entire time I was there. As far as I know she only owns sandals and a comb. HOW LONG DOES SHE SPEND IN THAT LOCKER ROOM? HOW DID SHE GET THERE? DID SOMEONE STEAL ALL HER THINGS?

Man.

I WISH I had one tenth of Grandma’s, "I’M THAT BITCH” public locker room swag.