Hoy

Today I felt off.

Like I woke up with my socks too tight on my toes off.

Like a yellow ring in a box of gold.

I felt as if my hair was parted a millimeter to the left of my normal part.

Felt like a cat who was pet backwards.

Like my songs were sped up 1.0x.

Today I was mean for no reason.

A semi-colon was debated when THERE IS NO DEBATE; use a colon before lists.

If walking too fast could bug me, it would be the people behind me.

If walking too slow causes internal death, it would be the people in front of me.

I may have blown my hair dryer in the face of a person standing too close at the gym.

Today one fingernail was jagged, and it RUINED my whole balling of the fist thing.

I felt like when Kanye wears sweats and the entire Kardashian family is in formal wear.

I felt like the crunchy noodle in the bowl of ramen.

Today I felt like a toe knuckle that couldn’t pop.

When you show up to a party early and watch the hosts clean for thirty minutes.

When you yawn in a meeting and make eye contact with a horrified person.

Today I felt like Steve Buscemi looks.

I felt like how Winona Ryder sounds.

Today I felt like I was doing public math in front of accountants.

Today was a HUMID, HORRID, HUMAN day.

Ever had one of those days?