When Can I Go Back?

Since you’ve last seen me I have adopted a wraithlike figure and am currently suspended in the spirit world.

It’s not much different from the previous, it’s just filled with a pampered class of people who’ve ascended beyond their mortal fears and indulge in constant happiness.  So annoying.

Yet here I am, floating in time with no real future to plan for, just an occasional projection to the mortal realm. It’s kind of poetic to scare the shit out of someone who can actually take a shit. When I was still living, with a body or whatever, I used to like the idea of a mystical realm and would imagine a garden of Eden type of place with rainbows and waterfalls and understanding. Now? I am heavy on the eyerolls here….. and I can’t even feel my eyes. Everything is about universal alignment, and we are all trying to communicate with the poor flawed humans to put them on the “right” path… like WE know what we’re doing??!  We just got here… or have been here all along. The terminology is fuzzy.

I don’t actually know what’s going on, I slept through orientation.

Also, can I just say not EVERYONE is the most necessary specter here… there are some Old-school thinkers, it’s quite unnerving. I met Il Duce the other day, Ummm hello sir….who even let you in here? I mean he can party and has excellent pipe tobacco, but like I told him in our last poker game,… “Benito, you should NOT be guiding anyone.”

If that even is you…..

I swear these spirits could all be lying about their past. Just like I am lying about previously having “existed” as a sixty-year-old rich white man, twirling his dirty mustache, and boasting about his knowledge of expensive aged scotch. In my defense, I thought this illusion of a persona would make me seem more interesting and align me to a gang of entitled collegiate graduates to follow me into depression and naïve thought. So far I’m the only one who’s depressed.

It’s the “no future” thing that bothers me, moments aren’t exciting anymore. I would give anything for a moment of fear and trepidation while standing at the edge of a mountain on a windy day. Or to be anxious about what the future holds, will I get that raise? Will I marry that person? Will Game of Thrones ever do that prequel series? The unknown of the mortal world is just so thrilling, even though it often feels like suffering. I just never felt more alive than when I knew I could die. Sigh

Sentiments just don’t hit the same in this realm either. For example, I say things like, “by land or by sea” and then I stare longingly into the distance with a pang in my heart, wishing for the body to be able to plant my feet on the lush grass and submerge my head into the sea again.

 What’s the point of awareness when it can’t be combined with the excitement of pain, touch, health and learning that time is running out? Hugs really give you an appreciation of life in the physical form.

I miss dreaming, dreams were so trippy when I was not actually in this spiritual world and my subconscious was just visiting. Now that im here, my dreams are no longer trippy. The reverse actually, they are just projections of me watching television in pajamas and eating cheese puffs and you know what?

I miss Cheese Puffs ☹

This place blows.