I Stink, Therefore I Write
I had a dear friend tell me recently that they were sad I had not posted on my blog in a while. To be clear, this is something that I am well aware of. The lure to write creatively stabs at me daily, I ache after every fleeting thought floats in my mind beautifully and crashes out explosively the instant someone talks to me. Within me runs a continuous dialogue, a collection of idiotic musings and whimsical notions. I am haunted with temptation to transform these thoughts into playful, spirited rants. I long to share these snippets of inner commentary in hopes to reveal to others that I am both a genius and a simpleton. If only I could beat the regular rhythm of creative expression. ALAS, I am built different.
The best and only way for me to explain my creative process is to express to you plainly, that I firstly, and mostly, hate everything I write. Loathe. Despise. Abhor. It is sinful how much I have started and have not finished; my word docs are gross. You couldn’t believe the wild scribblings on my desktop that announce to the world that I, Sandro, am the smooth brain. In fact, if I die, you can publish about 300 pages of my unfinished thoughts in a psychiatric journal. The essays would be described as the insane ramblings of a self-involved, not too bright, whiny baby.
Back to the process, less on my feelings. So, I have a notes app just like every other warm-blooded American and when I’m lucky, I use it in those eureka moments of, “oh! this could be good.” Whip out that phone, start a new note…then, I write it down as something for later which is just my way of tricking myself into believing that I will actually sit down later and be funny or clever. Whatever.
I almost always forget about my notes because my brain can only manage so many thoughts at one time and food or Tom Hardy usually come first. Eventually, when I do take a moment to power up the ol’ Microsoft office suite and plop myself into writing mode I open up that adorable notes app and look for a nice gem to fashion into words of nonsense. (the following prompts are taken from my 2025 notes app) I am still not ready to write them >.<
- “What are you willing to die for? Live for that” … well, I was in my feels of purpose and all knowing when I jot this down. I wrote that note thinking I would give one or two examples of noble and meaningful things I would be willing to die for…turns out I would die for a lot of stupid shit. I would die to drive a Maserati at full speed while blasting the ying yang twins. I would die for a bear hug from Brad Pitt. I would die to eat 50 bundt cakes in one sitting while being worshipped by a small colony of cats.
- “Pick your life we are a soul” I might still develop this, as a part of my aliens on earth series. This idea has me thinking of intergalactic aliens observing the lives of humans and then picking one to attach to. It is especially hilarious for me to think that any alien in the universe would actually pick Carrot Top.
- “Psycho within us” as you can imagine this is pretty subjective. I think the fact that I destroy almost every stress ball I hold is pretty close to being psychopathic.
- “Crush court” where you have to defend having a crush to a jury of your closest friends and the judge (your ex) rules if you are allowed to date that crush or if you will go to jail for being a stalker.
- “Dream pools” just once I would like to jump in a pool of a very important dream. Like the one where I eat ice cream on the moon. #MakeDreamsGreatAgain
As you can imagine, my notes app is pretty bizarre and cryptic and upon the invention of iCloud, its enduring… I think my info goes back to 2012. Thank the lord I was only developing my Harry Potter blog back then. Bottomline, there are blog posts that I have reasoned in my headspace to share with weridos like you, who actually like me… then there is a collection of strangeness on my laptop and cellphone that will probably go to the grave with me.
Stubbornly, selfishly, I won’t take writing suggestions or ideas. Thankyouverymuch.
