Coated

I have a condition where I just LOVE sweet treats. It’s a most unfortunate problem, especially during the holidays. I love a chocolate, more than that, I love two to four or six chocolates. I really need to get them away from my immediate vicinity. I have been battling the war between “I deserve this” and “I shouldn’t be eating this” for far too long. Sometimes I think if I were a candymaker I would be in sweet-tooth heaven. A life of lemonheads, milk duds and constantly picking hard candy out of my molars, seems idyllic, almost divine. But maybe if I were a candymaker I would finally hit a threshold, and being surrounded by sugar would turn into my own personal hell. I would encounter a candy mountain that I am so terribly equipped to summit. My teeth slowly falling out as I reach new peaks of nougat. My skin melting off like Hershey’s left in the sun too long…. hair stretching like taffy sticking to every nearby shrub. Toes that turn into peanuts glued to the foot with tar-like sugar. A payday would surely be hell…. Who even likes those?

When I was a kid, I had a full set of metal fillings. Not my front teeth, but my molars were blinged out. I know it’s bad for me, I know. You don’t need to tell me. I have very little self-control when candy is around. I think it may even be the death of me one day… but man, what a way to go… face deep in a bucket of nerds.

I guess what I am saying is, I understand drugs you guys. I mean, if there was a jar of hard candies and a jar of cocaine in front of me I would 100 percent devour the hard candies and leave no crumbs behind. I need help. I’m a candy addict.