Don’t Mind Tricks

There is a fantastical lie that we all keep to ourselves. We think about it when the room gets still, and we can be alone with our thoughts even just for a minute. While our comfort shows drone on in a familiar cadence and the brain slackens a little in rigidity. A hum radiates as our air conditioner pumps our favorite commodity of the modern age, "a comfortable temperature." Our homes lit just enough, our drinks beside our spot, a pillow positioned perfectly. We are tired but not in a sleepy way, just in a, "I’m going to let my face do that resting thing that looks hideous on camera but it's okay because no one is around", way. The bills are paid up for the month, and our pantries are decently stocked. We have not lost our temper all day, well, because no one pushed those buttons that trigger us into reacting. The sun was warm. We felt it on our face as we walked to the car to grab lunch. The classic sub was decent, but we ate much too quickly, and our body told us this in the form of immediate discomfort. "We still look good," we say as we fix our hair in the work bathroom mirror upon our return. We still got it. Young but not too young, old but not that old. We have money, health and oh, people like us! They smile with us and joke around, we're playful and serious, open and trustworthy. We are decent, we are kind.

There is a lie we think about when no one is around.

We tell ourselves this lie and can’t believe that others say it too. We can't even bear to say it out loud, because what are talking about actually? And why does it come up?

The lie is that we are not happy. But it isn't all true is it? It can't be. Life is so good.

But if life is good, day in and day out, and we enjoy the comfort of sitting in our room with our things and our people, then how can I think of this?.... "I am unhappy."

How does it come up... creeping in so randomly. Unsettling our reality and then to have our own ego agree??!!  What a great argument we have to the contrary! We have all we need; the ancestors would kill to earn this level of tranquility in the perfectly cooled room. The coffee pre-ground, the clothes softened and dried, the entertainment so constant, the ease at which we connect using an image or emoticon. The machines are working, the people are fed, we have friendship and love and very few struggles. It’s seemingly utopia.

Aren't we happy?

While the mind spirals and drifts towards the end of the day, the gut grinds into action and the eyelids grow heavy. We think about a lot of things. We are a lot of things, happy and unhappy. Cooled and warm-blooded. Tired and sleepy. Comfortable and uncomfortable. Temperamental and calm. Adventurous and extremely content. Perfectly okay with whom we have come to be…..a psychotic liar who is decent and kind.